Since When Did...

1AM become an acceptable bedtime? Remember when our parents tucked us in at eight o'clock EVERY night? I do and I also remember how much it sucked. I'd lie in bed for hours staring at blackness waiting until wretched sleep came. Usually it never did.
I've never had a good sleeping pattern.

When I was in elementary school I never slept at other people's houses. Never liked it. Still don't, really. I just like being in my house with my stuff and my food. But you can come over if you like. But you have to sleep on the couch. That whole "let's share a bed because we're best friends" thing doesn't work for me. Also, I have a twin size bed and I don't like you that much.

It only gets worse from there.

My parents had a huge queen size bed. I slept under it. Not in it. Under it. Had my own little space down there and everything.

When they got a new bed, they gave me that one. That's when I realized it wasn't the bed that I liked, it was being in the same room of my parents. So, I made myself a little space beside my mom's side of the bed. I loved it. She didn't. It's just that's where I felt safe. I've always had this fear of robbers breaking into my house and killing my entire family. I still do to this day. I sleep with my door locked every night. But just think about it. A robber breaks in, he's going to be searching around your house, going through your shit, moving in and out of rooms. MY ROOM. Where I'm by myself. Nope, nuh uh, I'm not going to have any of that. I'm going to be right there in my parent's bedroom where my dad can jump out of bed and kick some ass like he's Superman. Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is.

But, yeah, I eventually got over that. I moved over to my own bed in my own room. Well, once I got there I found myself never sleeping. So I stayed up shinning flashlights at my ceiling convincing myself there were spiders in the crawlspace.

But now I'm 17, in my room with the door locked, a baseball bat in my closet, and the window no less than three feet away. To future robbers: I will beat you with my bat and then jump out the window for my safe getaway. Sorry, family. You're on your own.

I'm going to be screwed when I go off to college.

That's why my plan is to get wasted every night.

#ikid