Just One Big Circle

This is completely out of nowhere and probably the most serious I'll ever get with you, but I've been thinking.

I'm living in a giant circle.

Not literally (though...). I mean an imaginary circle where things are just expected of me. My friend and I were talking a few days ago about our futures and what we wanted out of our lives and we got into the topic of kids. We're 17 and way too young to have this conversation, but this is what we do. Anyway, she didn't want kids at all and has no desire to ever have one, which I found completely weird. I guess I just assumed everyone wanted kids and wanted to have these families and then this chick comes in and throws me off balance. I thought, "OK, I can accept this. Some people just don't like kids.", but then she starts telling me these things that are completely different than what I was raised to believe.

And then it hits me.

I'm living a tradition life.

You know that kind where you go to college, get married, and have kids all in that order kind of life. If you still don't understand what I'm trying to explain then let me draw you a picture...


I feel as if I was raised to believe that I HAD to go to college and I had to pay attention in school to get good grades. That when I got older I assumed I HAD to get married and have kids. And now I realize it's so tradition and boring and when I have my own kids I know they're going to repeat the same cycle. Do I really want that? Am I really that afraid that if I don't go to college I'll get a crappy job and live a crappy life? Yes, I am. And every other thing that's in the cycle falls into place. I know I want to travel. I know I want to see the world and see great, unexpected things, but where does that fall into the circle? That one little line that says "Travel"? I want to live in my car and work crappy jobs just so I can move to the next town. I want my only responsibility to be is me. I don't want to worry about school, and grades, and other people that I'm supposed to be around. Following this circle is not going to get me that.

Don't get me wrong, I want kids and want to get married. All the circle is going to get me is a comfortable life. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just it might not be all that I want.

Did I explain this well enough or did I just ramble for the hell of it?